jonettevalenciano.com

Hi, all. the blog is undergoing some major makeover, so do sit tight. :)

I was finally home after my wet market duty at 4:00am. I had been lugging around about seven kilos of fresh meat and produce from one city to another. My sandals were mucky, slightly slippery, and smelled of chicken liver and fish scales. I smelled of fish scales and exhaust pipes. My hair was mussed-up, and I wanted a bed badly.

James had the above song playing. The stroller handle and vegetable bayong were out of my hands, and beside the table. My eyes had forgotten how to focus. I felt my arms being lifted around a neck, and another pair of arms finding their way around my waist.

Then, slow, subtle swaying. A warm and gentle nose nuzzling my cheek.

I guess he knew how worked up I could get on a wet market run. And I think I remember asking him why we haven’t ever slow-danced yet. We slow-danced to the ending theme of a horror-suspense anime, and it was warm and lovely.

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Hi, guys and dolls. I've simply been letting my creativity take me where it wants to go. It feels a bit like when grown-ups let kids drag them to places unfamiliar, impractical, and maybe even a bit embarrassing, but as these sort of things go, it's never a dull moment.

It seems the place of choice at present is ~~sketching~~ fashion design.

Fashion design.

(There, I've said it. Currently quelling inner panic, but I think I'll manage.)

It's been ages since I've taken pencil to paper, but well, you know, why not give it a try? It's good practice, gets my ideas out in the open to see how work-able and do-able they are, and I don't really lose much, except perhaps a bit of my comfort zone. Plus, it's a good way to beat the living daylights out of my self-consciousness and self-doubt, and just get the work done.

Self-doubt and panic attacks

Kicking self-consciousness and constant worry to the curb can be a good thing for us to do, no matter how scary the thought can get. I say scary, because it's been noted that every time we set out to do something we've never done before, there's this tiny, nervous voice at the back of our heads that sets panic alarms off.

"Oh wow, this is kinda new for me. I wonder how well I can pull this off. Can I actually pull this off? I mean, other folks do it so amazingly well, I don't know if I can get up to their level. Oh gosh, do I even have the right skill set for this? Do I have the right perspective to this? What if I do it and give it all I've got, and it comes out an absolute fail next to their work? Was I meant for this? What the hell am I even doing here?! How could I even think I could actually do this?! I can't even --"

Sounds familiar?

It sure does to me.

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Dear Weekend,

You've been so good to me. I have no words.

Thank you for having James and I take a chance and spend a pleasant evening in the company of good food, a few drinks, and excellent company.

Thank you for James teaching Fai and Anja Magic: The Gathering 101, then have me mentor along as they kicked each other's asses most awesomely with Koth and Venser decks.

Thank you for taking me into Marissa's home, inspiring and feeding my spirit with all the history and character and beautiful art it contained. It taught me a lot of things ---- being unapologetic about one's creative spirit, how trusting your keen eyes and taking things "other people throw out" (as Marissa says) can make a beautiful home, and how I have every right and reason to dream and make them happen. James and I now know what kind of home we'd both like to grow old in -- I definitely know what kind of home I'd want to grow and make my art in.

Thank you for wonderful conversation, wonderful food, and wonderful hospitality.

Thank you for kind, warm colleagues and car rides.

Thank you for mother-in-law meals and desserts, and for half a cavan of rice and some mangoes to take home. This will feed us for two months, maybe even more.

I have sooooo much to be thankful for, and I want to stay in this state of mind for as long as I can, and keep finding more things to be thankful for.